What Does One Do When They Can't Find Anything Good About Themselves...?

Lately I've been in an impossible to escape depression. Crying everyday, almost harming myself for the most insignificant reasons, getting into un-needed fights with friends and my fiance about the stupidest things. I can't seem to do anything right anymore! I decided what I needed to do was make myself feel better, so I got two sheets of paper and began my quest of self help. I wrote "Bad Things About Me" on one piece of paper, and "Good Things About Me" on the other. I was about to write down all my good and bad qualities in bullet points and weigh them together.

I started with the "bad" paper first, to get the inevitable sorrow I'd feel about being mean to myself out of the way as quickly as I could. I finished with two full [front and back] papers of bad things about myself. I felt horrible, none the less. I sulked for a few miniutes in my self loathingness, then got back to business. I couldn't wait to see how many good things I could come up with. I mean, I'm not a bad enough person to where there wouldn't be anything written, right? I can atleast name ten good things about myself, or so I thought.

Then, I began my "good" paper. It took me a miniute to start on it, I couldn't think of anything. If my life had depended on a speed round of "Good Things About Me" papers, I would be six feet under in seconds. I sat there for over an our tapping my pencil against the table. When I looked at the paper, it was covered in pencil marks and the stench of complete and utter self loathing. I finally wrote something down: I'm nice to animals. That's all I wrote, and I hate myself for it.

What am I suppose to do to make myself feel better if I can't even find good things about myself? Is there really anything that can be done to help?

My Love Life HATES Me. And I Wish I Was Joking...

I'm happily taken and in love with the most amazing boy I've ever met. This is my longest relationship so far and I'm in no way shape or form willing to lose him. I'd die if I did. Some may joke around and say that, but I say it with all seriousness. He's the only reason I'm still alive. Background basics, I was a cutter and I was contemplating suicide. So was he. We got each other to stop and gave each other a reason to live. That reason is our love for each other.

My dilemma, and the reason I'm blogging right now, is that my most intense failed relationships are coming back to haunt me. By this I mean that all the men I felt strongly about [not in the "eek he's cute" way, but the "I love this guy" way] are in contact with me again. There were three other relationships, besides my current one, where I was completely committed and loved the person. All of those people are back. I can almost swear that love has a mind of it's own and is doing this to kill me. Or ruin my current relationship. Either one ends horribly.

I'll give them false names to hide identity, but other than that, no false information. I promise.

First to return was "Ken", my EX from two years ago. I'd fallen for him a year before we actually began to commit to each other. We had a good relationship, but he wasn't really the commitment type. He almost cheated, but my best male friend [at the time] had to REMIND him that we were dating. Douche move, right? I would say so. Needless to say, that ended quickly. My feelings for him drove me crazy. Self mutilation, weeks upon weeks of endless crying, lack of social life. You name it, I dealt with it. When I began dating "Bob", "Ken" decided to email me an apology, stating he finally realized what he did was a jerk thing to do, and that he was sorry. I forgave him. We occasionally talk, but I see him every day.

Second was "Eric". We never officially dated, but what we had was exclusive. So it was pretty much dating, just without the title. "Eric" has a problem, he likes to get into trouble and disappear for long periods of time. A few months to a year at a time. We were "dating" for a while before he started to come by less and less. Soon he didn't show up for a month. Next time it was a few months. That ended pretty quickly, too. He came back after me and "Bob" began dating, giving me an explanation for everything. Drug habits returning, problems with people he knew. Lame stuff like that. I forgave him. "Bob" wasn't happy, thought I would cheat, and was only satisfied when "Eric" disappeared again. Haven't heard from "Eric" in about a month and a half. Not suprised, though.

Third is "Tim". Me and "Tim" had a really intense relationship. He lived in a different city, so distance was a little bit of an issue, but he always did his best to see me whenever he could. We talked every day and were always soooo happy together. Inevitably the distance tore us apart. Recently he emailed me saying that he loved me, and was sorry that we didn't work out. He said that he still felt the same way about me, but tried to hide it the whole time and couldn't do it anymore. He also asked if he could visit again soon. I explained that I had done the same thing and I cared about him too. I actually said "I love you" back. [I know, bad idea.] I also gave him permission to come by and visit.

I'm so confused about what to do. Should I just keep my current relationship going strong and just be friends with "Ken", "Tim", and "Eric"? Or should I slow my current relationship down and reconnect with my old lovers? [Not by cheating, though!! I'm against that!!]

Do you think it is OK to be friends with ex girlfriends or boyfriends? Why or why not?

I believe that it's perfectly fine to be friends with your ex's, just because the two of you broke up doesn't mean that you have to lose someone that you may want to keep a part of your life, romantically or not. I'm still really good friends with most of my ex's, though some I still have regrets about, wether it was breaking up at all, breaking up too soon or not breaking up sooner.

Not too many of my relationships ended on a bad note, but a few did. I'm still able to push that aside, I'd be willing to stay friends with any of my ex's no matter how bad of a relationship we had, even if they cheated [yes, I'm still friends with the guy who cheated on me]. It's really all up to them if they'd like to stay my friend or not, I'm fine with either. Really, it doesn't matter if you had a bad ending, it's all about your willingness to stay commited to them as a friend.

Have you ever had a really good friend, ended up dating them, and then it ended? Why lose an awesome friend to something like that? I find it stupid to say that you can't be friends with your ex's. If you both want to keep the friendship, keep it. If you don't, then don't. Don't let anyone tell you that it's not socially [etc..] acceptable. Even if you're divorced or whatever, it's percetly fine.



  

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